This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
