I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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