no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
