I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
