did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
