My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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