Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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