That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
