is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
