i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
