the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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