remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
