If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
