We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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