My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
