My hand turned me down
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize