discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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