He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
