i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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