sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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