we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
