I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
