there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize