K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize