is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
