i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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