but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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