exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
