Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize