He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
