Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
