I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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