so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
