how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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