sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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