Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
