My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
