Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
