Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize