Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
