6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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