apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
