i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
