he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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