What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
