Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
