I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
