I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
