she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
