he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
