Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
