sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
