Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
