You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I AM VODKA MAN
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
