Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ttyl tear gas
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
