I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
