Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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