is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
