She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
