Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
