I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
