he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
