fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
