I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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