wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
